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The baby despots are: Baby Adolf * Baby Marie-Antoinette * Baby Jong-il * Baby Uday & Qusay * Baby George III * Baby Idi * Baby Joseph * Baby Mary I * Baby Alexander * Baby Napoleon.

Today is another really stupid day in America, and this is what Baby Mary I thinks you should do:

  • Do to anyone what Israel does to Gaza if they yell at you for confusing “bare” with “bear.” Die! 
  • Eat tons strawberry ice cream.
  • Read this poem by Simone Wolff, because it has scrunchies, butterfly clips, and lightup velcro sneakers in it.  
"America is an abyss of mediocrity."
-Baby George III
"The system stinks."
-Baby Joseph 
"It only matters what Kevin Arnold thinks of me."
-Baby Napoleon 
"Kill everything, including ladybugs, Israel, and anyone who doesn’t like Kevin Arnold."
-Baby Alexander 

Once on a cold, rude, and depressing summer afternoon, Baby Mary I’s mommy, Catherine of Aragon, read her Emily Dickinson’s poem, “Wild nights - Wild nights!”

The poem is small and tiny, and it’s probably that way because Emily, like Baby Mary I, is a girl.

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