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The baby despots are: Baby Adolf * Baby Marie-Antoinette * Baby Jong-il * Baby Uday & Qusay * Baby George III * Baby Idi * Baby Joseph * Baby Mary I * Baby Alexander * Baby Napoleon.
Illuminati Girl Gang

Baby Jong-il likes girls. They get to wear hairbows. He likes gangs. They’re violent. He really likes the illuminati. They’re elitist. They can get away with murder. So Baby Jong-il is really excited about the first volume of the Illuminati Girl Gang. These are his favorite parts:

  • Elaine Sun: “you’re full of shit.”

Most people, especially American people, are full of shit. Most of their time is spent eating meat. But North Koreans are special. They’re not full of shit. Their tummies are empty. They’re starving.

  • Cassandra Gillig: ” ‘i always fuck my girlfriend listening to tool.’ “

Tool makes scary, creepy music. The kind that you can build a nuclear weapon to.

  • Alice Lancaster:

Baby Jong-il likes this picture a lot. Animals are cute. They’re much superior to humans. Baby Jong-il isn’t the only who thinks so. Christopher Robin thinks so to. In the poem, “Market Sqaure,” Christopher wants rabbits, but the market only sells things for humans, like saucepans. So Christopher has to go away from the humans to the “old-gold common” to be with rabbits. Also, Baby Jong-il likes gymnasts. Make It Or Break It is one of his favorite telly shows.

  • Maggie Lee: “i need an eye doctor appointment.”

Baby Jong-il hates the eye doctor almost as much as America. They blow things in your eyes. Baby Jong-il would rather blow things in their eyes.

  • Stacey Teague: “i want to live in the snack section of your dreams.”

Baby Jong-il loves snacks. He likes to eat white cheddar Cheez-Its while watching Elizabeth Taylor movies.

  • Megan Lent: “why does every 19-year-old girl want to write poems about Sylvia Plath?”

Baby Jong-il: “Because death is a glorious solution to all of your problems.”

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posted on May 28, 2012

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Black Bow Tie