Once on a Saturday night Baby Carina and Baby Stephanie threw a dinner party in honor of Lara Glenum’s visit to the Big Apple (which, if Mayor Bloomberg’s dreams come true, will soon be known as the Big Menorah).
Baby Jong-il was able to secure a spot to the invite-only dinner. He wore a firetruck T-shirt for the occasion. The “T” above the firetruck stood for “tear the United States of America a new tushy hole,” obviously.
As for Baby Stephanie, she wore tights and a princessy dress. Baby Carina wore a princessy dress too. She also wore black thigh-high socks and a gold tiara.
Baby Jennifer earned a place on the emphatically exclusive guest list. She was accompanied by a boy in a cardigan. Baby Jennifer wore tights and a forlorn face. What was the matter with Baby Jennifer? Was she still steamed about the reelection of Barack “I have unprotected sodomy with Jay-Z and Bruce Springsteen” Obama? Baby Jong-il certainly is, and will be for sometime.
Lara, the guest of honor, wore all black.
The food was provided by Baby Carina and Baby Stephanie. Baby Carina prepared cookies and green tea cheesecake. Baby Stephanie made tasty green things that you could eat with your hands. Baby Carina and Baby Stephanie tried to make risotto. But, as events unfolded, it turned out they weren’t trying to make risotto: they were trying to make something else (though what the something else was has yet to be discovered).
For entertainment, a play, Hustle Your Heinie, was preformed. The play was written and directed by the Bambi Muse CEO. It starred Baby Carina as Princess Bowery and Baby Stephanie as Princess Rivington.
Princess Bowery invited Princess Rivington to her second-annual Juicy Juice party. The princesses order overpriced kale salads. Princess Bowery informs Princess Rivington that she’s been breeding ponies and taking tumbles in the middle of Avenue A. Princess Rivington informs Princess Bowery that’s she been texting a Brazilian warlord and shampooing her luxuriously long hair. Both of the princesses speak unfavorably of boys. Princess Rivington compares boys to Obamacare — “wasteful, wordy, and much too shifty.”
Princess Bowery then summons her brother, Prince Libya (played by the Bambi Muse CEO) into her room. Prince Libya is secretary of the Paul Ryan 2016 club. He threatens to launch a missile at his sister (a la Hamas) and paraphrases the adorably anti-Semitic T.S. Eliot. Princess Bowery begins to throw things at Prince Libya then asks him to leave so that she and Princess Rivington can capriciously flip through the Teen Vogue with the recently rehabilitated Demi Lovato on the cover.
After the play, Baby Jong-il, who was quite sleepy, went immediately to bed and dreamed about nuclear weapons.