Baby Alexander, accompanied by his mommy, Olympias of Epirus, has visited the University of Notre Dame many times. The school is like a kingdom. It possess its own fire department, hotel, and Starbucks. Baby Alexander likes kingdoms, which is why he’ll invade practically every country ever (even you, Israel).
Baby Alexander is also a lover (though not in a carnal way) of learning. At Notre Dame, you can check out the original Chax Press edition of CAConrad’s The Book of Frank and enroll in English classes taught by the poetry power couple, Joyelle McSweeney and Johannes Göransson.
Empires and education are special. Gay-straight alliances are not. Father John Jenkins, the president of Notre Dame, feels otherwise. Father Jenkins wants to “expand and enhance the support of and services for students who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and questioning (GLBTQ), including the creation of a University recognized student organization.”
“Woe!” screams Baby Alexander. “Woe! Woe!” because, obviously, Baby Alexander disagrees decidedly with Father Jenkins decision.
Thoughtfulness should be the overriding goal of Notre Dame, and gay people and thoughtfulness are not a pretty pair.
Once Baby Alexander’s mommy read him Unlimited Intimacy: Reflections On the Subculture Of Barebacking, a queer theory book by Tim Dean. In the book, Tim tells of a boy at a club in San Francisco who stood, faced against the wall, naked so that anyone and everyone could have s-e-x with him. This boy is a representative of gay culture. He, like gay culture, is neither selective nor discerning.
Thoughtfulness, though, is centered on choosiness. Thoughtful creatures are exclusive. They cosy up with what’s commendable and banish what’s crude.
Pocahontas is a prime example of a thoughtful creature. Pocahontas lets John Smith be her boyfriend. Yes, John Smith is white and resembles the other white colonizers who are actively shooting at her Indian friends and family. But, due to careful observation, Pocahontas realizes that John doesn’t have the same traits as the other white people. John feeds her animal buddy biscuits and takes a bullet for her daddy.
If Pocahontas was a gay person then she wouldn’t have taken the time to think about John Smith, which means she wouldn’t have ascertained his admirable qualities, which means she would’ve have let her Indian friends and family kill him and there wouldn’t be a magical Disney movie.
Gays don’t know what’s admirable and what’s atrocious. Their acronym — GLBTQ — is about as clear as Barack Obama’s healthcare law (which isn’t clear at all).
“What are they questioning?” questions Baby Alexander. “Whether or not they born to have sex with a boy or a girl? That is corporeal, not Christian.”
John Milton, one of Baby Alexander’s most adored poets, wasn’t born gay, he was born to take God’s ‘trumpet and blow a dolorous or jarring blast.’ According to Milton, God has “absolute wisdom” and “perfect foreknowledge.” Do gay people have these extremely grand attributes? No, gay people are just horny (and they talk too much). Adrienne Rich, a lesbian, has strewn together numerous sentences and there is not one divine insight in any of them. She just wants to force everyone, including the Brontes, into a mystic lesbian cult.
Father Jenkins should do the opposite of expanding and enhancing GLBTQ. Father Jenkins should promote an agenda that supports considerate students who are choosy instead of boorish ones who idolize their flesh parts.