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The baby despots are: Baby Adolf * Baby Marie-Antoinette * Baby Jong-il * Baby Uday & Qusay * Baby George III * Baby Idi * Baby Joseph * Baby Mary I * Baby Alexander * Baby Napoleon.

A couple of days ago Baby Jong-il, accompanied by his mommy Kim Jong-suck ventured to Chinatown to see a reading at The Happy Ending Lounge.

On the way to the reading, Baby Jong-il saw a homeless person peeing on the side of a van. This is why Baby Jong-il doesn’t do divine cartwheels for Chinatown. It’s dirty. Also, the Chinese aren’t like the North Koreans: they don’t launch missiles.

When Baby Jong-il arrived he spotted Baby Carina and Baby Stephanie. Baby Carina was sticking her hand into a lit candle. Baby Stephanie was carelessly twirling her trademark braid.

The first reader was Keara Driscoll. Keara wore hoop earrings and cuffed blue jeans. She read her poems in a smoky voice that sort of sounded like an s-e-x-y Demi Moore. One of Keara’s poems featured a shotgun, which made Baby Jong-il think of the admirable Ann Woodward, who shot her high-society husband with one.

Following Keara was none other than Baby Stephanie. Baby Stephanie wore an ankle-length skirt and a wintery scarf. Baby Stephanie said that she could “sculpt a city park out of sorrow.” So could Baby Jong-il. He’s really sad because he wants a banana split and he doesn’t have one.

After a longish intermission Christine Kanownick, bedecked in a blazer, read a poem about how her father is the sea king. When asked if her father was King Triton, Christine respond not in the affirmative, which confounded Baby Jong-il since he is under the unchangeable impression that Ariel’s daddy, King Triton, is the one and only sea king.


The last reader was the only boy reader, Thomas Dooley. Everyone in the audience noticed Thomas’ nice and bouncy dark hair. But Baby Jong-il took exception with Thomas’ American Apparel shirt. Baby Jong-il has remarkable reservations about the LA-based clothing brand: the first is that the word “America” is in it, and the second is that it’s overpriced.

Black Bow Tie