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The baby despots are: Baby Adolf * Baby Marie-Antoinette * Baby Jong-il * Baby Uday & Qusay * Baby George III * Baby Idi * Baby Joseph * Baby Mary I * Baby Alexander * Baby Napoleon.
the closest i will ever come to time travel

Once on a grievously depressing Saturday night Baby Marie-Antoinette’s mommy, Empress Maria Theresa, read her Amy Saul-Zerby’s tiny collection of poems called the closest i will ever come to time travel.


Amy dedicates the poems to herself. This is because she, like Baby Marie-Antoinette, is a girl, and girl’s may engage in grand gestures without seeming like a meat head frat boy who dresses in fake Santa Claus clothes and eat dollar pizza drunkenly in a park on a Saturday afternoon.

So… the poems are primarily about an ex-boyfriend who Amy abhors. Amy is glad that the boy gains weight and laughs at him when he says stock phrases, like he’s getting his life “back on track.” Baby Marie-Antoinette agrees absolutely with Amy’s sinister stance towards the boy. Amy tells him, “I am just a better person you.” All girls are greater than boys. Most boys don’t wash their hands after they go caca.


Later, Amy wants to punch the boy in the face. She also calls him an “asshole.”

"Be merciless!" screamed Baby Marie-Antoinette, while she read these parts. "Show no mercy!"

One of the few qualms Baby Marie-Antoinette had with the poems is when Amy says “we are all b r o k e n / inside.” Baby Marie-Antoinette’s insides aren’t broken. They are whole. They’re composed of sturdy scoops of pink ice cream.

4 notes

posted on December 18, 2012

  1. bambimuse posted this

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