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The baby despots are: Baby Adolf * Baby Marie-Antoinette * Baby Jong-il * Baby Uday & Qusay * Baby George III * Baby Idi * Baby Joseph * Baby Mary I * Baby Alexander * Baby Napoleon.
Kept Women

Once during a dastardly day of weird straight boy performance artists, Brooklyn, and white people, Baby Adolf took solace from all the sordidness in the splendor of Kate Durbin’s Kept Women, a tiny collection of poems poems that’s a part of the Parrot chapbook series.

Each poem in Kept Women describes a room or place or in the Playboy Mansion.

In “Stone Sanctuary” there’s a bathhouse “that resembles a cave” and sponges that were “once natural, living creatures.” Baby Adolf doesn’t care much for caves. That’s where barbarians (i.e. humanbeings) live. But Baby Adolf likes transforming animate object into inanimate ones. He’ll oversee an apparatus that initiates that transformation six million times, but the dead won’t be used as sponges, they’ll just be dead.

So… one of Baby Adolf’s favorite rooms is “Baronial Bachelor Pad,” where “there’s a clandestine walnut panel that leads to a wine cellar” since the house was built during Prohibition. Baby Adolf likes secret rooms. There’s lots to hide from, like crackheads. Baby Adolf also isn’t against Prohibition. Drinking is mostly a grownup endeavor, and grownups are a gross demographic. All they do is orgy and eat meat.

Another favorite room of Baby Adolf’s is the “Tomboy Boudoir.” This place is decorated with posters from the San Diego Chargers as well as “individual football players with shiny muscles.” Boys with muscles and Baby Adolf get along swell. Strong boys are powerful. They can lift things all by themselves.

In Hugh Hefner’s room — “King’s Quarters” — there’s a Little Mermaid figurine, and Baby Adolf, with the help of the German army, is going to rescue the Little Mermaid from the old pervert.

"The Little Mermaid already has a husband!" screams Baby Adolf. "So keep your lusty hands off her until I save her!"

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posted on February 27, 2013

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