Bambi Muse

"Why would you post porn quotations on your Tumblr? That’s so misguided."

Wed, 19 Jun 2013 00:16:13 -0400

“Why would you post porn quotations on your Tumblr? That’s so misguided.”

- Baby Alexander

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Tue, 18 Jun 2013 22:30:51 -0400

"I want to go to space, like Lance Bass!"

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 22:30:39 -0400

“I want to go to space, like Lance Bass!”

- Baby George III

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Tue, 18 Jun 2013 21:37:30 -0400

"Why do Barack Obama and Mark Zuckrerberg Snapchat each other past 11 o’clock almost every..."

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 14:59:30 -0400

“Why do Barack Obama and Mark Zuckrerberg Snapchat each other past 11 o’clock almost every single night?”

- Baby Jong-il

"If you ride a Citi Bike chances are that you’ll catch AIDS."

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:05:15 -0400

“If you ride a Citi Bike chances are that you’ll catch AIDS.”

- Baby Adolf

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Tue, 18 Jun 2013 12:04:00 -0400

"I want to be a 16th-century painter and wear hats and smoke ciggies and have an assistant who breaks..."

Tue, 18 Jun 2013 03:27:00 -0400

“I want to be a 16th-century painter and wear hats and smoke ciggies and have an assistant who breaks my water jug… ugh!”

- Baby Adolf

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Tue, 18 Jun 2013 01:26:12 -0400

"I am going to miss Mahmoud Ahmadinejad so much. He was handsome in his own way."

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 16:40:50 -0400

“I am going to miss Mahmoud Ahmadinejad so much. He was handsome in his own way.”

- Baby Marie-Antoinette

Once on a semi chirpy but actually depressing weekday morning, Baby Alexander’s mommy’s,...

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 14:23:40 -0400

Once on a semi chirpy but actually depressing weekday morning, Baby Alexander’s mommy’s, Olympias of Epirus, read him Deviant Propulsion, the first collection of poems published by the now prominent boy poet CA Conrad.

The poems possess a political tone, perhaps this is because the book was published in 2006, when George W. Bush was still president. Though Baby Alexander loathes capitalism, he likes George W., since George W., as with Baby Alexander, is an imperialist. Oh sure, George W. said he wanted to invade Iraq because that Hussein boy (not the Obama Hussein boy, who is infinitely inferior to the Saddam one) had nuclear weapons, &c, but really he just wanted America to be everywhere in the same way Baby Alexander wants himself to be everywhere since he’s so splendid because he has “heavenly fire” in him.

CA, though, feels oppositely. CA believes George W. could use some improvement, which is why, in a letter, he offers to take George W. to “a marvelous stretch of woods” to “smoke a little pot” and do some other activities, the kind that Rock Hudson secretly liked to do. After all these things have been carried out, CA tells George W., “You will awaken with a crown of honeysuckle beautiful man that you are a real leader.” While Baby Alexander admires CA’s guts to confront the leader of a superpower, he doesn’t, as one might’ve guessed, think George W. needs any alteration. Is there anything more beautiful than world domination? No.

All that being stated, CA and George W do share traits. Both of them are concerned about money. In “Poets Refine Money,” CA writes a prose poem/advert about sponsoring a poet. He even supplies an AOL email address for further info. AOL holds a privileged place in Baby Alexander’s heart since that’s the email service used by Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in You’ve Got Mail. Another commonality between the two is violence. In “For Straight Guys Who’ve Considered Suicide When the K-Y is Enough,” CA smacks a nameless straight boy around, takes his car, then pushes it off a cliff as the straight boy screams out the back window. Then there’s “I Still Have Keys to the Apartment,” where CA breaks into an ex-boyfriend’s house and pees in their Pepsi. Hitting? Murder? Intrusion without consent/poisoning? Baby Alexander esteems them all, as they are crucial components to combat.

A lot of celebrities are mentioned throughout the book, including River Phoenix (who Baby Alexander thinks is really cute), Jame Dean (who Baby Alexander also thinks is really cute), Franz Kafka, and Eileen Myles. There’s even a poem titled “Celebrities I’ve Seen Offstage,” where CA lists some of the famous people he’s encountered, including John Waters (Baby Alexander likes), Micheal Moore (who Baby Alexander hates, and would push off a cliff), and Pete Rose (who Baby Alexander likes, since he’s a baseball player who caused a scandal, and scandals are scrumptious!).

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Mon, 17 Jun 2013 12:05:25 -0400

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Mon, 17 Jun 2013 12:05:15 -0400

"The way America functions is kind of faggoty."

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 20:43:35 -0400

“The way America functions is kind of faggoty.”

- Baby Jong-il

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Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:35:25 -0400

"Bring me hot lentil soup, motherf***er!"

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 18:34:00 -0400

“Bring me hot lentil soup, motherf***er!”

- Baby Marie-Antoinette

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Sun, 16 Jun 2013 00:10:16 -0400

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Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:18:27 -0400

"Some girls don’t spend as much time in the kitchen as they should."

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 21:17:33 -0400

“Some girls don’t spend as much time in the kitchen as they should.”

- Baby Napoleon

"Food is so gross. Why does America make so much of it?"

Sat, 15 Jun 2013 15:09:01 -0400

“Food is so gross. Why does America make so much of it?”

- Baby Adolf